One Month Marker

Inevitably the last leg of this three year race is filled with all kinds of activity. And my heart is in a bit of a whirl trying to sort through my emotions and hold tight to all the valuable things I have learned in my time here. I actually feel a bit of an ache inside, so forgive me if I start crying while writing (though I suppose you wouldn't know if I did...)

Two weeks ago we got volu-told to do the "Mamma Mia" dance (from Culture Week last October) for the Annual Women's Symposium, which was last weekend. I am sure our founder/chairman requested it specifically since there is no other way they would have sought us out and/or allowed us to dance otherwise. (He likes the musical.) Culture Week is one thing; a professional event like the Symposium is another. We are not professional dancers, nor do we have the time to perfect a 3-minute dance with only a week's notice. When the email went out, we actually agreed to do it willingly. However, the information they gave us ended up being incorrect - we were told the event was taking place in the morning. It ended up being at night. Many of us had commitments for our own foreign event, a talent show, and so we told them that we couldn't perform after all...which meant that we wouldn't be in the program. Most of us heaved a sigh of relief and joked about how they would react. Well, the joke ended up being on us, truly. Someone higher up called the someone lower down and got our long planned event moved to this weekend. I still have mixed feelings about this.

So tonight was our own show, "Laowai Got Talent."(Laowai means "foreigner.") I have mixed feelings about this too. I felt a bit juvenile performing, and I was reminded of how despite the fact that I have extroverted tendencies, I am an introvert by nature. I don't really love performing, and there were so many young people performing (children and teenagers). The older crowd did more pre-recorded stuff. I didn't actually sign myself up - one of the people coordinating it asked me if I would dress up like Dorothy and sing a Sias remake version of "Over the Rainbow" which ended up being a sad song about leaving Sias. So I pre-recorded an acoustic track of the song that I could sing to and played it over and over and over again. Between that and the "Happy" song by Pharrell Williams (played in our show tonight) which are playing on repeat in my head right now, I don't know how I am going to sleep tonight.

In truth, I've been putting off thinking about leaving for months. I know I am leaving, but I can't really grieve yet. Life is still moving along as it normally does here. And tonight is just another night in Peter Hall happenings. Through yet another performance, I find that despite my best efforts to conquer my stage fright, I still have it. Doing well isn't really the issue, though it once was. I can't actually pin it down. It is probably leaving. I know I left my young brother in a bit of a cloud of confusion at the dinner table as I babbled on and on about this and that, trying to expend my nervous energy before our show. And though he was trying to be supportive, all I could do was continue to babble, ignore his efforts to encourage me, and throw rolled up napkins at him. I found it amusing - he forgave me later even if he still doesn't understand me.

In the midst of this all, I have had students and friends visiting; I've substituted; I've been a part of a scholarship panel; I've had meetings; and I've baked bread and made strawberry shortcake. Last weekend, we also had our final bake sale of the year. I made some sourdough bread for the auction and tried out the plum version of the shortcake recipe I have. In the end I also went with strawberries because so many people love those. I came home to a ridiculous amount of dishes and a crazy desire to sleep, but I am happy to have supported orphans once again. And I am thankful that a student came over the next day and helped eat most of the goodies I bought! She got introduced to culture and I didn't have to eat all those calories by myself...a win-win.

This coming Monday night I am helping one of the Peter Hall high school students perform "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele for a Children's Day performance. I will be playing guitar and singing back up vocals. On Tuesday I will be a part of another scholarship panel, this time for Needy Students. I feel a little more prepared for this, however, from my last experience. To top off all the madness, this weekend is homecoming and graduation, two of the biggest events in the school year - it's also our 15 Year Anniversary. Did I mention I am woefully behind on my hours for work...? Thankfully I have tomorrow to catch up a little and try to map out what all needs to be done before I board that plane back to America. Time is going to move too quickly.