Guanxi

It is pronounced "GWAN-she" and means relationship, but it is more than just a relationship, it is being able to reap benefits from what you sow into the connection. Sowing isn't so much about money as it is time, though I suppose gift giving has some merit. And the benefits one hopes to reap can come in many different forms. One example is the performance I took part in this evening for Children's Day.

One of the Peter Hall teenagers knows a teacher in the primary school here at Sias. She got asked to sing a song for their annual celebration of children (which is really a glorified talent show). And the song that they wanted was one that she couldn't find a karaoke version of in her range. So she asked me to play a live acoustic version for her, which ended up being a lot more work than I realized but was still worth doing as a musician. I actually memorized the song, something I rarely do, and I think I drove my nearest and dearest next door neighbor to distraction with the number of times I rehearsed the song today...digressing...back to guanxi.

I did this favor for the teenager because of our relationship, but I have no connection to the teacher connected to the student. So when the teacher asked if I could stay until the end, I pretty much told her I was busy. She asked me to try. I "tried" for about thirty seconds in my head, but there was nothing to keep me. My teenager friend didn't care whether I stayed or left, and I had no one else to be responsible to, so I left. Now, had the teacher taken time to get to know me a little, make sure that the needs I expressed two weeks ago were taken care of (like the cord for the guitar), and even learned my name, I might have stayed. But I didn't even get introduced. And my microphone, for backup vocals, wasn't even turned on (though this truly isn't her fault). And while I know she had plenty to be worried about, learning someone's name takes all of ten seconds.

"So there you go." (Thank you My Big Fat Greek Wedding!) You don't sow, you don't reap. I guess relationships actually work like this everywhere, but I think it is more prevalent here. People get jobs because of guanxi more so than they do because they are actually qualified. I chose students to be possible candidates for a scholarship fund because of guanxi - they're my students. Well, they did qualify on their own merit, but I confess that I did favor them above others because I know them better than all the other faces on the applications. And truly, every student who applied is in need. (See previous post "Scholarship Fund Panel.") It is a way of existence here and is another reason socialism thrives here - people value and depend on relationships and connections with others far more than any other culture I've known.

Why Drugs Are Bad For You

I know it isn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but I didn't ask the doctor or the pharmacist yesterday to tell me specifically what each of the drugs are that he prescribed. And three out of the four medications I am taking are completely in Chinese.

I was able to look up two using Pleco (Chinese English Dictionary) and half of a third. But the fourth one is a mystery.

This is an antibiotic. According to medicine.net, it is used to treat bacterial infections of the throat, middle ear, tonsils, bronchi, pneumonia and bacterial infections of the skin and soft tissues. Side effects can include: nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, dizziness, rash and headache among some other uncommon ones. Thankfully I have kombucha, which should help replenish good bacteria in my digestive tract.

This one was pretty easy to look up using the radicals on Pleco, and it means to take orally Dahurica (Dahurian) the leaf (or root) of the Angelica plant (yao). It comes in tiny round white pills, probably about one millimeter in diameter and is supposed to help with headaches, nasal obstruction, swollen gums and toothache; detoxify blood and relieve pain; and also can serve as an anti-inflammatory, laxative and sedative. 

I am happy to know that my behavior the last two days is due in part to the side effects:

"excitatory effect" on the central nervous system, respiratory system and vasculomotor system. You can experience increased an respiration rate, blood pressure and saliva production and a decreased pulse rate; it can be used to induce vomiting and can cause sensitivity to sunlight. 

(See "One Month Marker" to get a taste of my side effects. Though I should include that I couldn't get to sleep last night and went on a wide range of emotions from crying to laughing to heart ache. I definitely feel more winded going upstairs. And I think I may be experiencing the laxative side effect as well. Needless to say, I will be glad when these meds run out in about 4 days.)

Still working on figuring out this one. The second character is feng, which means wind and obviously relates to breathing. The fourth character is du, which means narcotic (or poison). The fifth character is jiao, which means glue, gum, rubber and variations of these words. I can see radicals that are similar in the other characters, but I can't put them together in the right order in my translator. So I am waiting on a translation from my friend.

The fourth one I am taking is a nasal spray for my sinuses. And I have no idea what might be in it.

All that to say...getting things translated first is probably a better idea. I actually trust the doctors here more so than ones in America because they have a long history of medicine and lean toward more "traditional" remedies and less on satisfying the drug companies. However, it is good to know what you're getting into first regardless of where you get your prescriptions filled.

A Visit to the E.N.T. Doctor

Today I celebrated my remaining month by finally going to see a "real" doctor about a recurring problem I have had for the past couple years. Actually, I went to a doctor in Xinzheng last year about the pain and pressure I was having in my ears along with the fire burning in my throat. He cleared out my ears of the excess wax that had built up via suction and a long skinny tube. Then he asked me a few questions about my emotional health and how well I slept usually. Then he told me that my issue was emotions, prescribed some drugs to help with everything, and sent me on my way. One year later (last week), loud noises still bothering me, crinkling plastic sounds in my ears from time to time, and pain and pressure still a problem, I contacted my friend in Zhengzhou and went to see an E.N.T. doctor. I have been lifting up this visit all week. I really wanted him to be knowledgeable and have good questions to ask, and give me the time needed to figure out the problem. Thankfully a lot of my previous research looking for ways to self-help proved useful. I was able to ask intelligent questions and share what I had already tried.

Visits to the doctor here are mostly paid by the government, so you usually pay a nominal 5RMB fee. The tests, however, can be costly, and the medicine is expensive. But if you can afford nothing else, you can at least see a professional and have him diagnose your condition. I didn't pay for the doctor's visit today because my friend's coworker recommended her dad as the doctor I should see. So we bypassed that part of the process and went directly to Dr. Tian himself looking like doctors of old look with the round metal disc fixed on a band around his head. I sat in what looked like a dentist's chair, and my friend translated as we dialogued about my condition. Dr. Tian looked into both ears, both nostrils and down my throat. Aside from the teeth cleaning I had the other day, this is probably the most contact I have had with any Chinese doctor. They tend to be more hands off.

At first he thought I might have some kind of issue with the inner ear, so he sent us to pay for the two tests he wanted done. Down we went to the first floor, paid the fees (about $20USD) and went back up to the fourth floor and a testing room. The man put a type of scope into my ear, which I actually got to watch. (Pretty cool!) He took pictures and then printed out the test results for me to take back to the doctor. The second test, in a different room, reminded me of sonar. The woman put a device into my ear which played a sound and somehow recorded my ability to receive the sound. All in all, both tests results were normal. This led the doctor to believe that there is some problem with the valve that opens into the tube that empties into my mouth. (I have long believed this to be an issue from a couple articles I read about people who swim and/or fly a lot.) He showed me how to push air out of my ears by plugging my nose and also by pushing my hands on to my ears, like a suction cup, and pulling off quickly. (I read about both these methods online.) He also prescribed me some medications to deal with my congestion and the inflammation in my ears.

So...about $60 lighter (which will be reimbursed thanks to my medical insurance here), $70 if you count all the taxi rides I took today, it feels like a profitable day. I have become more cultured and feel like some of my issues, at least, have been resolved for the moment.

One Month Marker

Inevitably the last leg of this three year race is filled with all kinds of activity. And my heart is in a bit of a whirl trying to sort through my emotions and hold tight to all the valuable things I have learned in my time here. I actually feel a bit of an ache inside, so forgive me if I start crying while writing (though I suppose you wouldn't know if I did...)

Two weeks ago we got volu-told to do the "Mamma Mia" dance (from Culture Week last October) for the Annual Women's Symposium, which was last weekend. I am sure our founder/chairman requested it specifically since there is no other way they would have sought us out and/or allowed us to dance otherwise. (He likes the musical.) Culture Week is one thing; a professional event like the Symposium is another. We are not professional dancers, nor do we have the time to perfect a 3-minute dance with only a week's notice. When the email went out, we actually agreed to do it willingly. However, the information they gave us ended up being incorrect - we were told the event was taking place in the morning. It ended up being at night. Many of us had commitments for our own foreign event, a talent show, and so we told them that we couldn't perform after all...which meant that we wouldn't be in the program. Most of us heaved a sigh of relief and joked about how they would react. Well, the joke ended up being on us, truly. Someone higher up called the someone lower down and got our long planned event moved to this weekend. I still have mixed feelings about this.

So tonight was our own show, "Laowai Got Talent."(Laowai means "foreigner.") I have mixed feelings about this too. I felt a bit juvenile performing, and I was reminded of how despite the fact that I have extroverted tendencies, I am an introvert by nature. I don't really love performing, and there were so many young people performing (children and teenagers). The older crowd did more pre-recorded stuff. I didn't actually sign myself up - one of the people coordinating it asked me if I would dress up like Dorothy and sing a Sias remake version of "Over the Rainbow" which ended up being a sad song about leaving Sias. So I pre-recorded an acoustic track of the song that I could sing to and played it over and over and over again. Between that and the "Happy" song by Pharrell Williams (played in our show tonight) which are playing on repeat in my head right now, I don't know how I am going to sleep tonight.

In truth, I've been putting off thinking about leaving for months. I know I am leaving, but I can't really grieve yet. Life is still moving along as it normally does here. And tonight is just another night in Peter Hall happenings. Through yet another performance, I find that despite my best efforts to conquer my stage fright, I still have it. Doing well isn't really the issue, though it once was. I can't actually pin it down. It is probably leaving. I know I left my young brother in a bit of a cloud of confusion at the dinner table as I babbled on and on about this and that, trying to expend my nervous energy before our show. And though he was trying to be supportive, all I could do was continue to babble, ignore his efforts to encourage me, and throw rolled up napkins at him. I found it amusing - he forgave me later even if he still doesn't understand me.

In the midst of this all, I have had students and friends visiting; I've substituted; I've been a part of a scholarship panel; I've had meetings; and I've baked bread and made strawberry shortcake. Last weekend, we also had our final bake sale of the year. I made some sourdough bread for the auction and tried out the plum version of the shortcake recipe I have. In the end I also went with strawberries because so many people love those. I came home to a ridiculous amount of dishes and a crazy desire to sleep, but I am happy to have supported orphans once again. And I am thankful that a student came over the next day and helped eat most of the goodies I bought! She got introduced to culture and I didn't have to eat all those calories by myself...a win-win.

This coming Monday night I am helping one of the Peter Hall high school students perform "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele for a Children's Day performance. I will be playing guitar and singing back up vocals. On Tuesday I will be a part of another scholarship panel, this time for Needy Students. I feel a little more prepared for this, however, from my last experience. To top off all the madness, this weekend is homecoming and graduation, two of the biggest events in the school year - it's also our 15 Year Anniversary. Did I mention I am woefully behind on my hours for work...? Thankfully I have tomorrow to catch up a little and try to map out what all needs to be done before I board that plane back to America. Time is going to move too quickly.

Lost in Translation

A Chinese brother contacted me today through WeChat (WeiXin), a text messaging program. In a very Western way (because they rarely ask "how are you?" in China), he asked me how I was. I responded with "A little sore, but ok!" and some other conversation starters. Several messages later he asked, "Hi, sister, do you want some watermelon juice? It will be well for your sore. I can carry you some." My internet blipped out about that time, so I sent him a text message through my cell phone and arranged to meet him. I was honestly surprised that watermelon could be good for sore muscles! But then, there are many remedies in China that amaze me.

So I met with him in our lobby area, and he not only handed me the watermelon juice but also a small bag of snacks (which included a bar of Dove dark chocolate that I found later). At that point, he asked me what the meaning of the word "sore" is. I looked at him, my eyes wide in wonder, and explained that I was talking about my muscles. He showed me his translation of the word and told me that he thought I was sore in my heart! The watermelon juice and snacks were to help make me feel better. I, of course, thanked him for his sweetness and for being such a thoughtful brother, taking care of his sister.

While the definition of the word "sore" may have been lost in translation, the goodness of his heart was not. I am blessed to have such friends.

It's a Good Pain

A friend of mine didn't think this sounded very encouraging when I told him about massage therapy here. His idea of a massage is one that is relaxing and comforting. While that is probably nice, I favor the one that actually tries to work out the knots and find the troubles and help your body to heal. And the truth of this kind of treatment is that it hurts. But through it you learn to relax, even in the pain, and you learn how to communicate with the trained masseuse even if you don't know the language.

I like that therapy here is a combination of massage and chiropractic. They are incredibly skilled at finding the areas that hurt and working on them before realigning your back and neck. The whole process is quite different than chiropractic in the States - you usually don't find many in the States who will incorporate massage, and they tend to do all their work while you're lying on the table. In China you lay face down for the massage and some of the adjustments, but for the bulk of the next adjustments, you usually sit on a chair. The therapist cradles your head in his arms while he twists your neck and pull your head upwards. I confess that it looks a little scary, and most foreigners want to opt out of this part of the treatment. The key is to relax. The other is to trust. They really do know what they're doing.

Thankfully treatment is very affordable. For a thirty minute massage and adjustment it costs around 30RMB (5USD). I am very grateful for good pain.

Sights of Summer

Spring lasted a glorious 8 weeks this year! The last two springs have been noticeably shorter, starting later and ending sooner. But this year it started exactly when one would wish for it. It is quite a spectacle at the campus because someone planted different flowers that would bloom in different parts of spring so there is always some splash of color throughout the season. We started with these yellow flowers (that actually start blooming at the end of winter), ornamental cherry trees and tulip trees and then moved on to lilacs. Then there were some other kind of flowers that I don't know and irises, and we ended with roses, which are still in bloom and a sure sign of summer's entrance.

Swallows dart here and there, kamikaze in their flight patterns looking almost more erratic than the bats which will appear soon. Gnats and flies and mosquitoes have returned (which I am not as delighted about). And the temperatures have risen to the 80's and 90's in the daytime (99 today) with lows in the mid 70's at night. The humidity helps keep everything feeling a lot warmer than it would otherwise, but the winds have given us clearer skies, and we've had more than a day or two of blue with white clouds (my favorite kind of day). Students have summer fever (which is really more problematic than spring fever), which the lack of air conditioning in most classrooms exacerbates. (I still have visions of the students I proctored for last year in June sitting in a 90-something degree classroom trying to take a final examination. I could barely think - I wondered how they could.)

After May holiday, or Labor Day (at the beginning of the month), students came back wearing less clothes, ready to welcome in the warmer weather. (Ironically, we had a 60 degree day with rain not long after the holiday - thankfully it was only one day, otherwise some students would have been in trouble.) Foreigners have long been wearing flip flops and shorts. I have held on to long sleeves as long as I could, though I have definitely appreciated wearing fewer layers. Soon there will be outdoor BBQs and street food vendors will stay out until midnight. And I have a month left to enjoy it all!

Scholarship Fund Panel

Tonight I got another insight into true financial poverty. I interviewed students whose family's annual income is about what I make in one month. Granted, they don't have to go back to America where the cost of living is so much higher, but they do have very real medical issues and very real tuition bills. A year at Sias costs 14,000RMB. That price does not include housing, food, transportation, books, clothing and other supplies. Students borrow money from relatives; others take out loans; and some just manage to pay for tuition while working multiple jobs and going to school full time. They do all this with the hope of making a better life for themselves and being able to take care of their families.

Something else became really clear to me tonight: the Chinese want boys because boys take care of the parents. If you have only girls, they will leave to live with their husbands and take care of his parents. But if you have a son, he will stay and bring his wife into your house and take care of you when you are too old to take care of yourself. So many students talked about aging parents, more specifically fathers, who were taking care of the ailing grandparents. They feel a keen sense of responsibility to repay any debt to their family and anyone else who has helped them along the way.

One young man suffered from a type of dwarfism (he was 20 but looked 14), and another lost his mother to cancer last week. Some smiled cheerfully as they expressed the hope they had for the future despite their obvious difficulties. And others looked like they were about to cry as they shared the challenges they have faced and continue to suffer through. You can't help but reflect a little on your own position in life and see how rich you are and yet how poor you are at the same time. And you look at these students who are grabbing at every opportunity to change their situation, even at a somewhat mediocre 3,000RMB one-time scholarship, and you are humbled.

45 Days

I really should wait until there are only 40 days left to write this post, because it would make it that much more symbolic or poetic or both. Alas, I don't know if I will want to write or have time to write 5 days from now. I guess there is a little symbolism in 45 days. Right now I feel pretty okay. After 40 days and nights in the ark, I am sure Noah's family felt more than a little thankful when the rain stopped. And I feel certain that there is going to be a lot of rain falling from my eyes in the days to come.

And yet I wonder about that. I really have disengaged myself from the outside culture this year. I haven't done it intentionally or even very consciously. It just happened. I haven't tried to expand my understanding of China or learn more language at all. I haven't made new friends. And I haven't really pursued relationships with students. Within my foreign bubble, I have eaten fewer meals in Peter Hall and focused more on pre-established relationships than new ones. So...I guess I am trying to let go?

Part of it might be because my job shifted somewhat this year. I went from working 18 hours in a classroom to 10, and from working only on teaching related stuff to also working on administrative stuff. For the introverted side of my personality, it has been a welcome change. I am not nearly as exhausted at the end of my work week when I once interacted with 250 or so students (not to mention the 120+ foreigners in my apartment building). Now I have about 130 students. And I spend more time working with one or two of the oral English leaders. (Being in leadership has naturally had an effect on potential relationships.) Once again, work has somewhat redirected my focus and taken me away from other "upworthy" causes. I don't feel guilty because I believe and know that Dad uses all things for good and that I have served in other ways, within the foreign community, even if it isn't the same way I had done in the past or thought I came to do initially.

So I guess you could say that I have somewhat unknowingly kept myself from strengthening any roots or forming new ones. And while I don't feel very much right now, the reality of June is going to settle into my heart and mind at some point. I just hope it isn't the last week I am here.

"Squatties" in the Dark

There's just something special about walking into a dimly lit, run down university bathroom at night. Add flip flops to the experience and it's even more memorable. As I hovered over the squatty, I could see my own urine splashing back onto the floor in front of me like gently falling rain drops. I am sure there is some physics formula that can account for the proximity of the source of liquid plus the speed at which the liquid is being dispelled, factoring in the force of gravity and the wonderful deflecting qualities of glazed porcelain that explains how and why it goes everywhere. And yes, after all that verbiage, you're remembering my flip flops. Everything was lightly sprinkled. And before I was too disgusted (because, truthfully, I have had much worse bathroom experiences in China), I remembered that the Chinese don't think urine is a problem in any way. In fact, they believe it is sterile. Maybe, just maybe, a squatty is more hygienic than a western toilet...and I am sure somewhere someone has done a study on just that.