Technologically Challenged

I am laptopless in a computer and electronically driven era with only a few challenged community desktops available and my iPod touch. Communication has been slower and more humbling than normal. That's mainly because of speed, which  is attached to efficiency and most likely my self-image and general desire to be efficient. (This is a lesson that I am learning often while living in China and Peter Hall, though perhaps not as up close and personally as I am learning it now.) I feel most inefficient, and while borrowing laptops is possible, it is like borrowing a car: no one can part with it for too long, and it is inconsiderate to think you can borrow it all the time.

The iPod touch is great for little things, but not lesson planning and lengthy emails. (Though I am attempting to publish this overdue blog today.) Our desktop dinosaurs in Peter Hall actually work pretty well for basic things excepting email with Google. And if you can get over the paranoia of getting a virus when you use your jump drive, which I rarely think about, you can work on your basic word files with considerable ease. Currently there is no printer in the computer room, so you have to visit the front desk or a copy shop with your jump drive, compatible files, paper (for the front desk) and patience (for both places).

Despite these consolations, I miss my laptop. I confess I had a good long cry when I learned that it could not be fixed. Learning about my timing versus Dad's timing is really an issue of will. I don't will this. (Who would?) He does. (It is happening.) He said He would provide for my needs. My needs are met though not according to my standards. (If I didn't have the iPod I would probably be in a perpetual state of frustration.) But they are still met. The other machine was and will be a blessing. And I will bless the Name of my provider without and with a working laptop.

In this technologically challenged state, I find I am being challenged in my heart. And while I do not always enjoy such prodding, I look forward to what is uncovered, confessed and transformed into something more beautiful. 

Sweet Smells

My front room is a mix of pumpkin and citrus with a hint of berry. Last night I steamed pumpkin to use for various fall delights. And this afternoon I made two kinds of fruity oat bars, raspberry and blueberry. Yes, it's that time again, Bake Sale time. Our bake sales are unlike any other bake sale I have ever been to. They are themed (this year's is America) with decorations to match. Foreigners and even a few outside businesses like the Bridge Cafe and My Girl Cafe donate time, money and many sweet and savory labors of love to this cause. Tables are filled almost to overflowing with goodies. People (foreigners and students alike) start lining up outside the door a good half hour before the sale begins. (It's one of the best places to introduce your students to purely Western foods!) And it is a rarity that anything is left over. From cookies to soups and cider to coffee, you can find something to satisfy your sweet or savory taste buds and make your heart feel a little warmer even if you're spending a lot more than you would in a normal day. That's because all proceeds from the bake sales benefit orphanages and orphan camps (like Bring Me Hope).

And now for those dirty dishes...

Chinese Hospitality

You really haven't experienced anything like it until you've gone home for a holiday with a friend. I had more than I could eat at every meal and visited two national parks in (or close to) their home city. And aside from the fact that all my basic needs were taken care of, I didn't pay for a thing, not even transportation to get there or back to Sias.

My friend, who was my student two years ago, invited me to visit her hometown in Anyang either during this past holiday, the Mid-Autumn Festival, or the upcoming week-long National Holiday. Having spent two weeks with another friend and her family over the Spring Festival two winters ago, I decided that this past holiday would be short enough to have an enjoyable taste but not long enough to go into culture shock or cause my friend to feel overly burdened having to act as the translator and host for so long.

Children are often good representations of their parents, which is true for my friend. She has always been very loving and generous and has a fun personality. Her family is about the same. In some ways they are typically Chinese, unemotional on the outside and extremely loyal to family. In other ways, they give a different face to their culture.

Two years ago when I visited another friend in her hometown, her relative's rich friend wanted to befriend me, basically, to gain face (boost his reputation). And while he "wined and dined" me and my friend, later taking us to get a foot massage and then to his motel for expensive green tea, he didn't care anything about me. I knew that in about 1 hour of being with him and all his friends, and I had to endure his company for an entire evening lost in Chinese and cigarette smoke.

My friend's family is probably upper-middle class, maybe even lower-upper class. Between the various uncles in her family, and there are quite a few, they own 3-4 cars. They don't own a Mercedes or an Audi, like the friend of the relative two years ago, but they own a Honda CRV and some other mini-SUV, neither of which are inexpensive (especially in China). And unlike the rich man, they are not overflowing with pride. They really were interested in me for more than just being a person of interest that they could parade around. Their wealth was not something to parade for others to take notice of, and neither was I.

When I mentioned the humble generosity of my friend's family to her, she said that Anyang is known for that. While I think there may be something to it, I also think that their wealth has been earned honestly. (The other man is a question mark - even my other friend's family didn't know what he really did.) They live in a big house in a village and they don't have a toilet in their house. (My friend's father asked her if she wanted one in the house when they were building it, and she thought it would smell, so she said no. When she had to use the outhouse in the rain for the first time, she realized her mistake.) They honor the various gods at the shrines located along the small main road, keeping with the old traditions of their ancestors. They have good relationships with each other and take care of one another. Now if they only knew the Father, how much more complete their love would be.

By the way, "chamber pots" are still quite useful even if they're in the form of a bucket. And I was grateful for this my first night when I woke up at midnight and realized that there was no toilet in the house. It may seem ridiculously silly, and I am sure that it is now more so than the other night, but I wasn't sure which room my friend was in, and I didn't want to wake up her parents. So I sent my friend a text message at her instruction, and then I lifted up my need and I waited. Within 20 minutes, my friend found me and provided the bucket. Perhaps it isn't quite as romantic as being in an aristocratic family in some English hamlet back before indoor plumbing with a servant to take out the chamber pot, but I was humbled and blessed when my friend walked out with me to the outhouse and emptied my bucket for me. That is beyond basic hospitality - that is friendship.

One Day at a Time

Yes, it's cliche. But there is truth in it. And it is something that I have to remind myself to worry about everyday: only worry about today. Not that I support worrying. I don't. But worry on some level is a part of life, and there is some very good advice about not stressing too much about what will happen tomorrow when you're still in today. Now to let that really penetrate all the level of worries inside! I laugh a little but shake my head a little too.

I have been thinking a lot about what I will leave behind when I go home next summer. I am trying not to let it bother me that I have not done more. Part of me wants to so much, to compare myself to others as if Dad has not done enough in me or through me. But part of me is at peace, and it isn't a false peace. You can always do more. But more will not make Him love or accept you more. It may earn you more rewards in the life after, but it cannot buy love. And truly, He will accomplish His purposes with or without me - though I certainly hope and ask that it is with me.

So if you are the sort of person to ask Dad for help, please lift up what I will do in this last year, who I will reach out to, and what hearts need to hear the truth. And ask that I do so with the love that only He provides.

Week 0

Last week was actually supposed to be week 0. Upon reflection, I am not sure what we would have called this week...0.2? Monday begins the first 17 week teaching stint of my last year at Sias. Yes, you read that correctly, my last year at Sias. Of course, I never like to limit Dad. Because anytime you add superlatives to any life changing decision, you will inevitably find them challenged. So I try not to be so definite even if I feel certain (because the heart above all things is desperately wicked, or something like that). So, to go back to the previous statement, it is very much, most likely, I feel certain, that this is my last year at Sias.

But back to week 0. Crazy week 0. Our new teachers arrived a week late. The reasons are many and aren't important in retrospect or even future-spect. (What word do I use? My brain is fried.) The important thing is that most of them are here. Every August since the August when I arrived 2 years ago has been like this.  People come in waves and trickles and then droplets. And most people make it to the trainings, and some don't and have to watch the video versions (the quality of which can't be too stellar). By the end of it, those jet lagging are overwhelmed and overstimulated, and those training feel about the same. But we all run into week 1 at full speed to be in our classrooms 15 minutes early to start well.

Culture shock this year has definitely been noticeable. And my stress levels over the past week have exceeded my average stress levels for the past 2 years. I guess this is what leadership does to you, in some part, and also what a few words like, "I need to have a word with you" can do to your psyche when you're left to think of them while you sleep. I really started to reflect. It was a struggle for peace. I didn't sleep well, had dreams with kidnappings and guns in them... a good reminder that the place I live in is an unseen battleground. (Any and all upliftings are appreciated!) And the matter was miniscule, nothing personal, actually related to business. I guess you could say I feel a greater weight being in leadership, and while I want to be above reproach, I know I make mistakes - now to be better about owning up to them and making amends right away. The positive outcome of this experience is that I was ready to hear anything unpleasant my friend had to say to me! I figured that she loves me and needed to tell me something to correct some flaw. (Though I did reflect, after the fact, that if that were the case, it would have been cruel for her to not tell me that day and make me wait all night.)

Anyway, I am not really complaining, just reflecting. Culture shock has been related to learning the language. I've actually reverted - it's as if not hearing or being able to use Chinese for 6 weeks has made me forget everything. And then the rebellious part of me doesn't even want to learn! I am secretly, or not so secretly, envious of my friends who have been putting in the time to learn and are actually improving. Meanwhile, I feel like I am in the same spot I was a year ago. My friends are my crutch. I need to get over the fact that Mandarin is a hard language and just work at it. Oh, pride.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I have 2 more training meetings to attend (as support) and a short meeting to drop in on in the afternoon, and then the weekend. Before Monday I have my lesson to prepare and the annual rummage sale to organize and oversee. It's going to be a busy weekend. I can't wait until NEXT weekend.

My Campus, the Warzone

Out on my walk today I was able to really appreciate all the activity taking place right now on campus. There are piles of raw materials like bricks, stone, marble, dirt, etc. in almost every main area. On the north side, near Spanish town, I noticed two new structures being built, one of which, I presume, is the new English library. Meanwhile, destruction is everywhere else - the main fountain, old English library, and cafeteria #1 near Russian Square have been demolished; the main gate and road off campus are closed due to projects happening over there; and workers, like ants, have been working industriously since dawn, crawling all over the work areas. Peter Hall continues to be a place of construction (and has been since the day I moved here 2 summers ago). My hope is that the main refacing project will be completed by next month so there is less banging and drilling directly outside my windows. Thankfully, they don't start working on my building until after 8:00AM.

Home Improvement

One of the greatest frustrations of many a Westerner living in China is the poor building quality. This is especially true in my apartment complex, Peter Hall (PH) at Sias and, more specifically, my apartment. While you can request certain things be fixed, it is sometimes better to do it yourself. Since a friend of mine is the PH version of Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, minus all the disasters, it isn't hard to borrow tools, which I've done on more than one occasion.

This week's projects, however, required some supplies from the U.S., some silicone cocking and sticky foam weather stripping. Project #1 was my front door. With all the lights off in my apartment, the door used to almost become a perfect silhouette. Aside from which, the door would rattle when we had storms or any kind of weather. That was a pretty quick and easy fix - applying the foam to the latch side of the door took about a minute. Not it is quite snug and makes a muted squeaking sound as the door rubs up against the foam when I open and close it. I am still trying to figure out how to seal the half inch gap on the bottom of the door which a mouse was able to squeeze under last semester and escape capture, but I have a couple ideas which I will probably try out today.

Project #2 was the sealing on my shower and toilet. Within a month of living in this new apartment (which actually is new, not just new to me), the seals had started to leak. I sort of ignored them, though the toilet made me feel less than comfortable. On the recommendation of the contractor who used to live in the apartment above me, I bought some higher quality silicone cocking when I was back in the States and I borrowed a cocking tool from my friend. In the process I learned a lot about silicone...it's super slimy when it gets on your hands, and it actually starts to set somewhat quickly. I hope I've done a good job, because stripping off the cocking for this application took a bit of time. And in the coming weeks, I am not going to have much of that.

Early Morning in Xinzheng

This year I've decided not to care about people staring at me. I know that may seem like a rather silly thing to care about, but it has always bothered me while living in China. I can't say that I am completely indifferent about it now, but I am more willing to accept it. In making this decision, I feel that I have made some kind of progress in my battle against fear which will enable me to enjoy life here a whole lot more.

Just this past spring the city finished the majority of a pretty expansive park that runs along both sides of a giant reservoir. The mansions and dorms on the western side of Sias have easy access to one of the paths, which has made Sias an extension of the park in some ways. Though, truly, the campus has always been open to outsiders wanting to walk around and enjoy the gardens and scenery. In the past, I have stayed on campus when exercising. Today, when I got to the west side of campus, I took the path up to the street, over the bridge, and then down to the side of the reservoir along one of the many paths where a lot of people were up early trying to beat the 100 degree weather in today's forecast.

I walked and jogged and enjoyed watching several scenes: men fishing; women doing some kind of Chinese jazzercise; dogs swimming in the reservoir while their owners watched; elderly people walking with their grandchildren; and, today, one woman swimming with a small, round life saver which she was tugging along with a rope. This last scene surprised me because many Chinese people don't know how to swim, and my friends who made a bamboo raft last year were practically dragged out of the reservoir, raft and all, by the local police. Oh, and there are signs that say "no swimming" in Chinese and English. (But I've learned that a lot of people ignore signs here just like they do in other parts of the world - oh, human nature!)

Of course the "natural" scenery is always pleasant: lotus plants reaching up through the water, broad leaves open with flowers beginning to bloom; various trees and bushes in all the right places along the path; pavilions aesthetically placed between the two shores; and the still water reflecting the sky and everything else around it. It is a place I don't think I could get tired of.