Chinese Hospitality

You really haven't experienced anything like it until you've gone home for a holiday with a friend. I had more than I could eat at every meal and visited two national parks in (or close to) their home city. And aside from the fact that all my basic needs were taken care of, I didn't pay for a thing, not even transportation to get there or back to Sias.

My friend, who was my student two years ago, invited me to visit her hometown in Anyang either during this past holiday, the Mid-Autumn Festival, or the upcoming week-long National Holiday. Having spent two weeks with another friend and her family over the Spring Festival two winters ago, I decided that this past holiday would be short enough to have an enjoyable taste but not long enough to go into culture shock or cause my friend to feel overly burdened having to act as the translator and host for so long.

Children are often good representations of their parents, which is true for my friend. She has always been very loving and generous and has a fun personality. Her family is about the same. In some ways they are typically Chinese, unemotional on the outside and extremely loyal to family. In other ways, they give a different face to their culture.

Two years ago when I visited another friend in her hometown, her relative's rich friend wanted to befriend me, basically, to gain face (boost his reputation). And while he "wined and dined" me and my friend, later taking us to get a foot massage and then to his motel for expensive green tea, he didn't care anything about me. I knew that in about 1 hour of being with him and all his friends, and I had to endure his company for an entire evening lost in Chinese and cigarette smoke.

My friend's family is probably upper-middle class, maybe even lower-upper class. Between the various uncles in her family, and there are quite a few, they own 3-4 cars. They don't own a Mercedes or an Audi, like the friend of the relative two years ago, but they own a Honda CRV and some other mini-SUV, neither of which are inexpensive (especially in China). And unlike the rich man, they are not overflowing with pride. They really were interested in me for more than just being a person of interest that they could parade around. Their wealth was not something to parade for others to take notice of, and neither was I.

When I mentioned the humble generosity of my friend's family to her, she said that Anyang is known for that. While I think there may be something to it, I also think that their wealth has been earned honestly. (The other man is a question mark - even my other friend's family didn't know what he really did.) They live in a big house in a village and they don't have a toilet in their house. (My friend's father asked her if she wanted one in the house when they were building it, and she thought it would smell, so she said no. When she had to use the outhouse in the rain for the first time, she realized her mistake.) They honor the various gods at the shrines located along the small main road, keeping with the old traditions of their ancestors. They have good relationships with each other and take care of one another. Now if they only knew the Father, how much more complete their love would be.

By the way, "chamber pots" are still quite useful even if they're in the form of a bucket. And I was grateful for this my first night when I woke up at midnight and realized that there was no toilet in the house. It may seem ridiculously silly, and I am sure that it is now more so than the other night, but I wasn't sure which room my friend was in, and I didn't want to wake up her parents. So I sent my friend a text message at her instruction, and then I lifted up my need and I waited. Within 20 minutes, my friend found me and provided the bucket. Perhaps it isn't quite as romantic as being in an aristocratic family in some English hamlet back before indoor plumbing with a servant to take out the chamber pot, but I was humbled and blessed when my friend walked out with me to the outhouse and emptied my bucket for me. That is beyond basic hospitality - that is friendship.